Now this post was going to be about the end of my class that I've been helping with, and I suppose it still is, in a way. But what really caught my attention was Robert Lewis quoting 1 Kings 2:2 as his final charge to the group.
For context:
"1 As David’s time to die drew near, he charged Solomon his son, saying, 2 “I am going the way of all the earth. Be strong, therefore, and show yourself a man. 3 Keep the charge of the Lord your God, to walk in His ways, to keep His statutes, His commandments, His ordinances, and His testimonies, according to what is written in the Law of Moses, that you may succeed in all that you do and wherever you turn," (1 Kings 2:1-3).
These verses were such a good summary for the class. We had been through 24 sessions of this Quest for Authentic Manhood. We had struggled with the truths of Scripture as to what it means to be men. We had laughed at funny stories and cried at sad ones together. We had learned more what it meant to "be a man." It might be cliche, but this class really has changed my life. Most of the students in that class have a deeper desire to be the man God wants them to be. Hearts were touched and changed by the Spirit. I'm so grateful that I was a part of that. As one student told me this evening, "Y'all were tools used by God to perform this work in us." I feel so blessed.
I say these verses were a good summary to the class for a few reasons. First, this was a charge from David to his son. We learned in the class that God has placed us here as fathers to, among many other things, raise up our sons to be men. With all the faults in David's life, he at least ended well with Solomon. Secondly, the charge given, the title of this post, "Be strong therefore, and show yourself a man," speaks to me of the lack of this in our society. As a western world, we have failed in raising "men." There are many that are men physically speaking, but very few noble knights, very few righteous kings, very few real men. "Show yourself a man." Live it out. Lastly, the reason I included verse 3 above is because it tells, in summary, how one can accomplish this feat. "Keep the charge of the LORD your God, to walk in His ways, to keep His statutes, His commandments, His ordinances, and His testimonies ... " We can be real men by following hard after the Lord and keeping His commands. Mr. Lewis iterates time and again that for a boy to be called to manhood he needs a Code of Conduct, a Transcendent Cause and a Vision of Manhood. His commands can be our Code, His work our cause, and the example Jesus left our vision.
God help me to be the man You need to do Your work. By His grace, I am what I am and hope to continue to be conformed to the image of His Son.
Thank y'all for your time, and I'll try to keep updating this regularly. I am hoping to start the second session of Men's Fraternity out at the prison here in the next couple weeks, so stay tuned for my thoughts on "Winning at Work and at Home."
Monday, March 24, 2014
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Fathers and Daughters
So I'm a day later than I wanted to be with this, but here it is:
Monday night's class session in the Quest for Authentic Manhood was about fathers and daughters. It was quite impressive to me, since I have a two year old little girl growing up right before my eyes. Mr. Lewis started the class talking about the unique challenges that are faced by girls growing up in this day and age. He mentioned that the new "supreme pursuit" of women was moving out of the home and into the workplace. He was quick to mention that he saw nothing Scripturally against women working outside of the home, but through the rest of the class did make mention of how no one else in the world can do the job of "mom" as well as the one who gave birth to the children. Because of this shift out of the home, he theorized that more and more young girls were going to be growing up with the "Absent Mother" wound similar to what boys have been experiencing for a while with dads in the workplace (Absent Father wound).
He then went on to talk about the good things a dad can build into his daughter's life simply by being involved. He mentioned an article written in an issue of U. S. News & World Report that concluded "Dad is destiny." According to the research done for the article, boys grow up more masculine and girls grow up more feminine if dad is involved in their lives. If dad is there, specifically focusing on the girls for this post, the daughter has a higher chance of feeling secure in her identity as a woman, and have better relations with boys. This seems to follow logically simply from observations I have made about various women that I've met. Conversely if dad isn't there, daughters are more likely to develop insecurities and anxieties and have a tougher time forming healthy relationships with men. It becomes obvious that "Dad" is very important to the daughters as well as the sons.
Mr. Lewis concluded with giving a list of 5 things that a dad can do to help give his daughter a better head start.
1) To establish a clear definition of what it means to be a real woman (more on this later).
2) Help mom stay home with the children, especially in their first critical years of life. (research shows that 75% of our knowledge is gained in the first 5 years of life)
3) Support, honor and cheer for true feminine values in his wife and daughters.
4) Dad can date his daughters and stay involved in their lives on a personal level.
5) Encourage participation in ceremonies celebrating true femininity.
As I was reading Raising a Modern Day Knight, my wife has been reading Raising a Modern Day Princess. She tells me that it goes into great detail as to what these ceremonies might look like. I haven't quite convinced her of the power of ceremony as much as I'd like. She comes from a family that's not really big on formality but is much more practical.
Now what I would really like some discussion on in the comments down below: The definition Robert Lewis gave for a real woman.
"A real woman is one who rejects worldly temptations to significance, believes in God's priorities, nurtures the next generation and expects God's greater reward."
He explained each section in detail, so before you pass judgment on that wording alone let me try and expound on what I got out of his explanations.
1)"Rejects worldly temptations to significance" - in other words a real woman doesn't get her significance from the world but rather from God and His purposes.
2)"Believes in God's priorities" - a real woman searches out the Scriptures and can discern what is "His good, pleasing and perfect will." (Romans 12:2).
3)"Nurtures the next generation" - a real woman uses her God given abilities to care for those younger than herself. Real nurturing, he pointed out, takes a significant amount of time.
4)"Expects God's greater reward" - this one is the same as the end of the definition for manhood. I believe that this points out that Christians, whether male or female, are all "one in Christ." (Galatians 3:28) The sameness here isn't in role or make-up but rather spiritual. We all sin, we all need Christ.
I am interested in hearing a woman's perspective on this definition and would ask that you feel free to share your thoughts with me. As a man, I feel like this is a good definition for what it means to be a woman, but since I'm not a woman I can't really say. My wife and I have talked it over, but we were interested in getting more input as well as we raise our daughter. Thanks for taking the time to read and respond.
Monday night's class session in the Quest for Authentic Manhood was about fathers and daughters. It was quite impressive to me, since I have a two year old little girl growing up right before my eyes. Mr. Lewis started the class talking about the unique challenges that are faced by girls growing up in this day and age. He mentioned that the new "supreme pursuit" of women was moving out of the home and into the workplace. He was quick to mention that he saw nothing Scripturally against women working outside of the home, but through the rest of the class did make mention of how no one else in the world can do the job of "mom" as well as the one who gave birth to the children. Because of this shift out of the home, he theorized that more and more young girls were going to be growing up with the "Absent Mother" wound similar to what boys have been experiencing for a while with dads in the workplace (Absent Father wound).
He then went on to talk about the good things a dad can build into his daughter's life simply by being involved. He mentioned an article written in an issue of U. S. News & World Report that concluded "Dad is destiny." According to the research done for the article, boys grow up more masculine and girls grow up more feminine if dad is involved in their lives. If dad is there, specifically focusing on the girls for this post, the daughter has a higher chance of feeling secure in her identity as a woman, and have better relations with boys. This seems to follow logically simply from observations I have made about various women that I've met. Conversely if dad isn't there, daughters are more likely to develop insecurities and anxieties and have a tougher time forming healthy relationships with men. It becomes obvious that "Dad" is very important to the daughters as well as the sons.
Mr. Lewis concluded with giving a list of 5 things that a dad can do to help give his daughter a better head start.
1) To establish a clear definition of what it means to be a real woman (more on this later).
2) Help mom stay home with the children, especially in their first critical years of life. (research shows that 75% of our knowledge is gained in the first 5 years of life)
3) Support, honor and cheer for true feminine values in his wife and daughters.
4) Dad can date his daughters and stay involved in their lives on a personal level.
5) Encourage participation in ceremonies celebrating true femininity.
As I was reading Raising a Modern Day Knight, my wife has been reading Raising a Modern Day Princess. She tells me that it goes into great detail as to what these ceremonies might look like. I haven't quite convinced her of the power of ceremony as much as I'd like. She comes from a family that's not really big on formality but is much more practical.
Now what I would really like some discussion on in the comments down below: The definition Robert Lewis gave for a real woman.
"A real woman is one who rejects worldly temptations to significance, believes in God's priorities, nurtures the next generation and expects God's greater reward."
He explained each section in detail, so before you pass judgment on that wording alone let me try and expound on what I got out of his explanations.
1)"Rejects worldly temptations to significance" - in other words a real woman doesn't get her significance from the world but rather from God and His purposes.
2)"Believes in God's priorities" - a real woman searches out the Scriptures and can discern what is "His good, pleasing and perfect will." (Romans 12:2).
3)"Nurtures the next generation" - a real woman uses her God given abilities to care for those younger than herself. Real nurturing, he pointed out, takes a significant amount of time.
4)"Expects God's greater reward" - this one is the same as the end of the definition for manhood. I believe that this points out that Christians, whether male or female, are all "one in Christ." (Galatians 3:28) The sameness here isn't in role or make-up but rather spiritual. We all sin, we all need Christ.
I am interested in hearing a woman's perspective on this definition and would ask that you feel free to share your thoughts with me. As a man, I feel like this is a good definition for what it means to be a woman, but since I'm not a woman I can't really say. My wife and I have talked it over, but we were interested in getting more input as well as we raise our daughter. Thanks for taking the time to read and respond.
Friday, March 14, 2014
Raising a Knight
I just finished reading Raising a Modern Day Knight by Robert Lewis. It was really a quick read, especially since he had covered parts of it in the Quest for Authentic Manhood class I've been helping out with. All this being said, I would argue that every man should read this book at least once in his life. Mr. Lewis sets out an amazing analogy between the path to knighthood and the path to manhood.
He starts the book discussing the need for a renewed vision of manhood. Due to the current definition of manhood prevalent in society, boys growing up don't have a clear vision for what it means to be a man. We look to our dads, at least those of us lucky to have them close by, and kind of try and figure things out for ourselves, but clear instruction on manhood is rare.
As I discussed in a previous post, our culture is littered with those that have no clear definition of manhood. The book provides compelling arguments for the definition being: A real man is one who rejects passivity, accepts responsibility, leads courageously and expects a greater reward, God's reward. I find this to be a great, Biblically based definition seen exemplified in Christ.
With this definition in mind, Mr. Lewis exhorts men reading his book to first ensure they are striving towards authentic masculinity, then to help along their sons to achieve the same. He uses a story of General Robert E. Lee walking in the snow with his son as an example. His son began to lag behind. "After a few minutes Lee looked back and found that his boy was behind him, imitating his every move and walking in the tracks the father had made in the snow. 'When I saw this,' Lee told one of his friends long afterwards, 'I said to myself, it behooves me to walk very straight when this fellow is already following in my tracks." (R.E.Lee vol.1 by Douglas Freeman). My son isn't old enough to be following me yet, but I am convicted to have a character worth following.
Mr. Lewis also brought up the power of ceremony in calling a son to manhood. He tells of many different fathers and what they chose to do to make their sons journey to manhood have milestones. Ceremonies are important in that they help us greatly to remember not only the day, but the "Why?" of what was going on. Ceremonies, he writes, also envision new life. Baptism is symbolic of dying to self and being made alive in Christ. A wedding shows that there are no longer two, but one. Manhood ceremonies, then, are to show the boy he is no longer a boy but now a man. He will be expected to live a man's life. He will be treated now as a man. These are important for authentic manhood to be reached.
He discusses a whole lot more in the book, but if I summarized it all, y'all might not feel like you needed to read it. And you really should.
He starts the book discussing the need for a renewed vision of manhood. Due to the current definition of manhood prevalent in society, boys growing up don't have a clear vision for what it means to be a man. We look to our dads, at least those of us lucky to have them close by, and kind of try and figure things out for ourselves, but clear instruction on manhood is rare.
As I discussed in a previous post, our culture is littered with those that have no clear definition of manhood. The book provides compelling arguments for the definition being: A real man is one who rejects passivity, accepts responsibility, leads courageously and expects a greater reward, God's reward. I find this to be a great, Biblically based definition seen exemplified in Christ.
With this definition in mind, Mr. Lewis exhorts men reading his book to first ensure they are striving towards authentic masculinity, then to help along their sons to achieve the same. He uses a story of General Robert E. Lee walking in the snow with his son as an example. His son began to lag behind. "After a few minutes Lee looked back and found that his boy was behind him, imitating his every move and walking in the tracks the father had made in the snow. 'When I saw this,' Lee told one of his friends long afterwards, 'I said to myself, it behooves me to walk very straight when this fellow is already following in my tracks." (R.E.Lee vol.1 by Douglas Freeman). My son isn't old enough to be following me yet, but I am convicted to have a character worth following.
Mr. Lewis also brought up the power of ceremony in calling a son to manhood. He tells of many different fathers and what they chose to do to make their sons journey to manhood have milestones. Ceremonies are important in that they help us greatly to remember not only the day, but the "Why?" of what was going on. Ceremonies, he writes, also envision new life. Baptism is symbolic of dying to self and being made alive in Christ. A wedding shows that there are no longer two, but one. Manhood ceremonies, then, are to show the boy he is no longer a boy but now a man. He will be expected to live a man's life. He will be treated now as a man. These are important for authentic manhood to be reached.
He discusses a whole lot more in the book, but if I summarized it all, y'all might not feel like you needed to read it. And you really should.
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Introduction
So I know an introduction is supposed to come first, but I had written that first post up yesterday and was planning on making it a Facebook note. However, I decided that I'd rather start a blog so I had a different place to put my ramblings.
As most reading this will know, my name is Brendan. My story has been getting more interesting as I get older. I grew up just south of Seattle, Washington in unincorporated King County just outside of Burien. My parents still live in the house where my sister Katie and I grew up. Katie's older than me by 4 years, but she's a good big sister. Of course I say that now as y'all wouldn't want to know about the troubles we had growing up together. But we're pretty good friends now. I grew up in a Christian home, going to church every Sunday. I also remember going to people's houses for Bible studies on occasion as well. Both of my parents work outside the home and have always done so for as long as I remember. My mom worked from home when I was little, but I don't really remember that. My dad is a banker and my mom is a programmer. They did everything they could to give me a good start at life and I'm very appreciative for what they've done.
I started kindergarten at Seattle Christian Schools and stayed there all through high school. The summer between my sophomore and junior years of high school I went to one of the greatest places on earth, Lakeside Bible Camp, and spent 4 weeks doing a program there called TCL. I would honestly say that that summer was when I really started to understand what living a Christian life meant. All growing up I knew some things that Christians were supposed to do. Since I went to Christian school, we had Bible classes and the teachers were good. However, I didn't often see much living out of the Christian lifestyle among my peers before TCL. There were some and I'm still Facebook friends with many of them, but the people that were on that first TCL I did were eye opening to me. It doesn't make much sense from a worldly perspective to pay to go somewhere to work, but we did. We had a blast together, working hard and studying Christ. It was that summer that I decided I wanted to go to a Christian college to get my education. The next summer during TCL, a man from this tiny college in Iowa came out to camp. His name was Ken Daughters and he was then president of Emmaus Bible College. Between his pitch and talking to some of my friends that had been there I felt that it was where I was supposed to be.
Arriving at the Dubuque airport was an interesting experience for someone who's used to SeaTac. There was one gate. My grandparents had driven out with a lot of my stuff and were there at the airport waiting to pick me up. We had a great weekend during orientation and I bid them farewell. At Emmaus they push you right into the deep end of studying God's Word and I was loving every minute of it. I learned how to articulate a lot of the beliefs I had grown up with. I learned, as I studied the Bible, that some of what I had always thought was the "right way" was simply tradition or even downright wrong. I learned better techniques for studying and drank it in. During orientation I met a guy named Stephen in line to get our pictures taken for our IDs. As we talked we learned that we were both interested in computers. I didn't know it then, but he has been one of my best friends since that day. I met one of my other good friends that same day when I got back to my dorm room. Nelson was sitting there on my bed and immediately popped up and introduced himself. I would've made it through college without these and other friends, but it wouldn't have been nearly as much fun.
Later that year, thinking I was going to make it through Emmaus "Bridal" College without finding a girlfriend, God decided He had other plans. During the trip back to school from Christmas break (which is a whole other story) I started talking to this girl named Michelle. We had talked a bit before and had even sat together at the Christmas banquet concert before the break, but I hadn't really noticed her then. She'll never let me live it down either, since she's now my wife. I'm so glad that God had other plans than mine.
We now live outside of a small town called Snyder, Texas (her home town) and I work as a web developer for a local drilling company. We have two kids, a girl and a boy, who are our pride and joy. Elizabeth (Beth) turned 2 last November and Thaddeus (Thad) was born just this last January. We also have 4 dogs and 2 cats and don't really know what we'd do without them either. We live day in and day out in the grace of God and are so grateful to Him for all He's provided to us.
Thanks for taking the time to read part of my story. I'll hopefully be moving some stuff I've already written over to here in the coming days. Then I'll have to start thinking about new things to write, as what's the point of a blog that you never write in. Thanks again for stopping by and God bless y'all.
As most reading this will know, my name is Brendan. My story has been getting more interesting as I get older. I grew up just south of Seattle, Washington in unincorporated King County just outside of Burien. My parents still live in the house where my sister Katie and I grew up. Katie's older than me by 4 years, but she's a good big sister. Of course I say that now as y'all wouldn't want to know about the troubles we had growing up together. But we're pretty good friends now. I grew up in a Christian home, going to church every Sunday. I also remember going to people's houses for Bible studies on occasion as well. Both of my parents work outside the home and have always done so for as long as I remember. My mom worked from home when I was little, but I don't really remember that. My dad is a banker and my mom is a programmer. They did everything they could to give me a good start at life and I'm very appreciative for what they've done.
I started kindergarten at Seattle Christian Schools and stayed there all through high school. The summer between my sophomore and junior years of high school I went to one of the greatest places on earth, Lakeside Bible Camp, and spent 4 weeks doing a program there called TCL. I would honestly say that that summer was when I really started to understand what living a Christian life meant. All growing up I knew some things that Christians were supposed to do. Since I went to Christian school, we had Bible classes and the teachers were good. However, I didn't often see much living out of the Christian lifestyle among my peers before TCL. There were some and I'm still Facebook friends with many of them, but the people that were on that first TCL I did were eye opening to me. It doesn't make much sense from a worldly perspective to pay to go somewhere to work, but we did. We had a blast together, working hard and studying Christ. It was that summer that I decided I wanted to go to a Christian college to get my education. The next summer during TCL, a man from this tiny college in Iowa came out to camp. His name was Ken Daughters and he was then president of Emmaus Bible College. Between his pitch and talking to some of my friends that had been there I felt that it was where I was supposed to be.
Arriving at the Dubuque airport was an interesting experience for someone who's used to SeaTac. There was one gate. My grandparents had driven out with a lot of my stuff and were there at the airport waiting to pick me up. We had a great weekend during orientation and I bid them farewell. At Emmaus they push you right into the deep end of studying God's Word and I was loving every minute of it. I learned how to articulate a lot of the beliefs I had grown up with. I learned, as I studied the Bible, that some of what I had always thought was the "right way" was simply tradition or even downright wrong. I learned better techniques for studying and drank it in. During orientation I met a guy named Stephen in line to get our pictures taken for our IDs. As we talked we learned that we were both interested in computers. I didn't know it then, but he has been one of my best friends since that day. I met one of my other good friends that same day when I got back to my dorm room. Nelson was sitting there on my bed and immediately popped up and introduced himself. I would've made it through college without these and other friends, but it wouldn't have been nearly as much fun.
Later that year, thinking I was going to make it through Emmaus "Bridal" College without finding a girlfriend, God decided He had other plans. During the trip back to school from Christmas break (which is a whole other story) I started talking to this girl named Michelle. We had talked a bit before and had even sat together at the Christmas banquet concert before the break, but I hadn't really noticed her then. She'll never let me live it down either, since she's now my wife. I'm so glad that God had other plans than mine.
We now live outside of a small town called Snyder, Texas (her home town) and I work as a web developer for a local drilling company. We have two kids, a girl and a boy, who are our pride and joy. Elizabeth (Beth) turned 2 last November and Thaddeus (Thad) was born just this last January. We also have 4 dogs and 2 cats and don't really know what we'd do without them either. We live day in and day out in the grace of God and are so grateful to Him for all He's provided to us.
Thanks for taking the time to read part of my story. I'll hopefully be moving some stuff I've already written over to here in the coming days. Then I'll have to start thinking about new things to write, as what's the point of a blog that you never write in. Thanks again for stopping by and God bless y'all.
The Quest for Manhood
What defines a man? When does a boy become a man? What can a father do to help? These are questions that have been brought up in a class I'm helping teach called the Quest for Authentic Manhood (Men's Fraternity by Robert Lewis). He brings up the point that in this age there aren't really any official ceremonies to invite a boy into manhood in the West. He goes on to iterate how important it is for boys to have a marked occasion to enter manhood. He then gives the parallel of a page-boy promoted to a squire, then raised to a knight. This struck home with me as I have a love of medieval history. A page started out at 7-8 years old and was basically a servant to the knight or lord of the manor. This is important because an authentic man needs to know how to work hard and serve others. He then was able to "graduate" to a squire. The squire specifically served the knight and stayed close to him to learn more about what it meant to be a knight. Boys need to learn practical skills in their chosen field and basic life skills so they will be equipped to handle life. Then the boy would go through the knighthood trials and be raised into full knighthood. At this point he was considered a knight, yet he still went on quests for a nobler cause. Mr. Lewis made the point that men need to have noble causes to drive them to noble deeds. Now granted this is a romanticized view of medieval knights, but the picture is a good guideline, I believe, for raising boys.
The working definition for manhood in the class: An authentic man is one who rejects passivity, accepts responsibility, leads courageously and expects a greater reward, God's reward. We look through the Scriptures, viewing Christ as the perfect authentic man, because He was and is. He is actively advocating and protecting His bride (the church) (1 John 2:1, Romans 5:1). He accepted the responsibility of His bride's sin onto Himself and paid the consequences thereof (Romans 5:6-8). He courageously leads His church as the Head (Ephesians 1:22). He eagerly awaits the reward of His Father, having received it even now in part (Ephesians 1:12-14). Men need to follow Jesus in order to be fully authentic men.
1 Corinthians 13:11 "When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things." Paul also knew the importance of growing up. Unfortunately for our society, this hasn't really been stressed and so we have grown boys that don't act like men and fail to take the initiative in their own lives. I liked Mark Driscoll's definition calling this type of "man" simply a "boy who can shave." We, as men, need to take masculinity back both from those that would overly feminize it and make it soft and from those that abuse the power and become tyrants rather than noble knights.
I say all of this with a heavy heart and knowing that I have failed in being an authentic man many times before in my life. I say this knowing that there is a high likelihood that I will fail again in the future. I say this knowing that I can trust my Lord and my God to give me the strength to be the man He wants me to be, and to raise my son well. All praise and honor be to His name.
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