Strategic Parenting

I enjoy RTS (real time strategy) games like Age of Empires and the Total War series. I also enjoy turn based tactics games. I am a strategic person and I like to have a plan for how things are going to go. But for some reason, at least until the last few weeks, I hadn't ever thought about applying this to my parenting before.

Two weeks ago in class we talked about "strategic fatherhood" and had laid out for us a "game plan" for raising kids. The plan consisted of things that our children need to see, hear and receive from us as fathers. It also discussed the years in our children's lives that certain things became even more important. As an example, one of the things that our children need to see in us from the day they're born is that we love their mother. We need to see the love between our parents, and our kids need to see the love between their parents, in part, to know that love is real. Without that example, they won't (can't) know how men and women are supposed to behave towards each other in a husband/wife relationship. So, as Mr. Lewis stated in the last week's session, one of the greatest gifts we dads can give to our children is to love their mother.

Now I know that plans can change, and I am slowly, by the grace of God, getting to be a more flexible person. This is why the game plan wasn't anything like a minute by minute or even hour by hour plan for each day. It was rather a year by year plan that had general guidelines for what things would become important as the children grew up.

One of the things that stuck out to me both from the Quest for Authentic Manhood and Winning at Work and at Home was the phases a strategic parent will go through in their parenting style. As small children up to age 10-12 our children need coaches telling them what to do and how to do it. In the teenage years (not having a teenager I don't know the parent side, but I know from having been a teenager the truth of this) they need more of a cheerleader to encourage them on to do what's right. In late teens to early 20s the parent should act more as a consultant, offering advice only when invited in by the now young adult. Then, by 30 or so, the parent can move to more of a colleague position and be a fellow traveler along the road we call life.

I appreciated this explanation of parenting styles (coach, cheerleader, consultant and colleague) and how they need to change by age of your child a lot having experienced all of it from the child side, and just starting to get into it from the parent side.

So a large portion of being a strategic parent is taking the time to plan, and being willing to follow the Lord's will. Ephesians 5:15-17 "Watch carefully then how you live, not as foolish persons but as wise, making the most of the opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore, do not continue in ignorance, but try to understand what is the will of the Lord." is a great verse to remember as a parent especially. A reminder from a quote I ran across today:

"Tomorrow is the devil's day, but today is God's. Satan does not care how spiritual your intentions are, or how holy your resolutions, if only they are determined to be done tomorrow."
- Thoughts for Young Men by J. C. Ryle

If you were wavering on whether you can start today, pray to Him who gives abundantly and do so. He is faithful and good.

I write all this knowing that I have failed as a parent before, but trusting in the grace of my God for the strength to do it better the next time. I don't have this figured out and am still learning as I go. But I do know the Word of Truth and will continue to look to Him, by grace, for how I should act in the life He has given me.